Friday, October 31, 2008

Celebrity Wrap Up, Saturday Edition

Hello and welcome to today's edition of Celebrity Wrap Up.Hey Miley, we get it. You're trashy. You're some sort of success story. You're a role model for young girls the world over. So, why is it that for being only 15-years-old, you look rode hard and put away wet? Who in their right mind would aspire to look like a 40-year-old trailer dweller? Kate, sweetie, have you looked in a mirror lately? Obviously the break-up with Owen Wilson, your failed marriage, and whatever trysts were on your agenda are hitting you hard. Brown boots, brown tights, with a boring grey sack dress and a jovial green (possibly stolen from a leprochan) hat? Really? Why does Mel Gibson look like he was playing dress up in his father's closet? Why are his pants so saggy and bunched? And when did he get so freaking old?Juliette Lewis, you're so kitschy and quirky. When I saw you at Sundance years ago, you were radiant and beautiful and I could *almost* see how you landed Brad Pitt (for three years!??!) long ago. However, this, what exactly is that? Are you wearing a skirt, pants, tights, what? Did you rip that shirt off your 100-year-old grandmother? And what are you smiling at?The good news? Lindsey Lesbian is finally not wearing those hideous leggings. The bad news? I don't think she's wearing much of anything. Um, does she think those tights are passing as leggings and/or pants? Because the skirt (if you can call it that) barely covers her hoo-haw. Honey, just because you're batting for the other team now doesn't mean clothing is optional.

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