Sunday, October 10, 2010

(Yet Another) Open Letter to Dane Cook

Dane - I just wanted to let you know once and for all that I am removing myself from the "I Love Dane Cook Fan Club" as I will no longer be your fan. Yes, I realize you probably (most certainly) don't care because you have enough to spare, but I'm letting you know nonetheless. You see, the Dane Cook that I came to know and love had kindness and appreciation for his fans. He didn't make them wait for hours at a time and then make lame excuses as to why he couldn't take a picture with them. He was cool. And you know what? I'm not some willy nilly fan. I actually do (did) think you're funny. I've seen and own every single one of your movies. I've seen every last concert you performed either in person or purchased on iTunes. I own a t-shirt with your stupid face on it that I paid WAY too much money for and will never even wear. I watched the entire Tourgasm series and really came to respect you as an artist and person. Up to a few days ago (despite your previous picture denials) I was rooting for you when you released that "You're Not Alone" video for bullied teens. That was really cool. Hmmph. Sure had me fooled. The thing is, I'm not asking for a kidney or a liver or even an autograph. I'm not trying to make a profit off of you or take up hours of your time. I wanted ONE quick picture that would've taken you, oh, two seconds max. Hell, even Matthew Perry took a picture with me today and I dare say he's at least a million times more popular than you. Wait a minute. Could it be? Are you somehow related to Nancy Cartwright? Because that would explain a lot. In conclusion, I just wanted to let you know how disappointed I am in the not one, not two, but three times you've now shut me down for a picture. I thought you were better than that. I was wrong. I've unfollowed you from Twitter (yeah, that'll show you) and will now proceed with my life as though there isn't a DC in the world. Of course, my biggest question is how Sam Trammell is even your friend. I mean, he's so nice. Why would he waste his time with a meanie like you? I don't get it. Sadly, Pinky Lovejoy

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