Dear Jon Gosselin: You may wear Ed Hardy all you want, layer your shirts, and turn your hat backwards, but you're still a cheating husband and father of eight. That's all I wanted to say.
Dear Katie Holmes: You're so purty.
Dear Rebecca & Jerry: Do you serenade your twins by singing Stand By Me? Please say you do.
Dear Victoria Beckham: Your skirt is very, very short, your hair is a hot mess, and you're wearing sunglasses INSIDE. Please correct all these things ASAP.
Dear Emma Watson: I am not fooled by the leather halter. You are still Hermione to me.
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