Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Everything I Know I Learned From TV

I think sometimes parents get a bad rap for letting their children watch too much TV. While I understand the need for socializing and playing outside (not just watching shows, playing video games, or being online), at the same time I know I wouldn't be the same person I am today without the lessons I learned from the early programming I watched as a child. Behold, a few of these lessons are listed below (in no particular order):
Wonder Woman taught me how to be my own hero, as she was the coolest superhero ever. I also learned that you can do anything with gold bracelets, a gold belt, and some stars; invisible planes are the way to go; and boots are always a good accessory.
Three's Company taught me that misunderstandings happen a lot; older women are incredibly horny; dating sucks; and men and women can be friends/roommates. Perhaps the biggest lesson I learned from Three's Company was that trying to replace a main character with some sorry versions of cousins will never work and will ultimately doom the entire production.
Silver Spoons taught me that every house should have a train you could ride around on; video games in your house are the best things ever; and Ricky Schroder was the cutest boy on earth.
The Little Rascals taught me that even if you form a club declaring you hate the opposite sex (like the He-Man-Women-Haters-Club), in the end love is going to find you; there's nothing quite like good friends; and you can respond to almost any question with O'tay! Laverne and Shirley taught me that having your initial sewn onto every shirt was the coolest thing in the world; milk and pepsi can be a delightful drink; and dating sucks. Webster taught me that annoying little boys can get adopted, too.The Muppet Show taught me about sarcasm (from the Old Men in the balcony); chasing boys is the way to go (like Miss Piggy and Kermit); and best of all, there are pigs in space.Happy Days taught me that little sisters are annoying; Fonzie was the coolest person on the planet; you could turn on a jukebox by hitting it; you could get married over the phone; and there were people in the world named Pinky Tuscadero.The Facts of Life taught me about friendship; tomboys; dating; and that handicapped people can be stand-up comedians.H.R. Puf-n-stuff, The Bugaloo's, and Land of the Lost taught me that Sid and Marty Kroft were geniuses; sleestacks were the scariest things ever; and catchy theme songs will never leave your brain (as I type this I'm humming The Bugaloos song).
The Brady Bunch taught me about step-families; dating; getting hit in the eye with a football; lost dogs; pool tournaments; that if you write your favorite celebrity (like Davy Jones), he'll come take you to a dance and kiss your cheek (is that where I got the celeb thing from?); Jesse James; and that if you wait long enough, Sam the Butcher will come around.
Different Strokes taught me about adoption; spoiled rich girls; nosy maids; and annoying red headed step-brothers when they're trying to spruce up a series.Alice taught me about waitressing; friendship; single parenthood; dating; and, most importantly, taught me the always useful phrase: "Kiss my grits!"The Love Boat taught me that if you get in a fight at 15 past the hour, it should be resolved half an hour later. I also learned that ship doctors are very randy; people can be named after Gophers; and, again, that shows are never the same when they replace a beloved character. I still miss Julie.
Aside from the obvious lessons I learned from these shows, ultimately the best thing I took away from them was that The Electric Company (which was more "independent" of the two) was infinitely superior to Sesame Street. The reason I was thinking about old TV shows was after seeing Tom Bosley (aka Mr. C) and Linda Lavin (aka Alice) on The Back-Up Plan the other day. Seeing them nearing 100 made me face my own mortality and made me a little bit sad.

1 comment:

Tawn said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!