Tuesday, August 12, 2008

How Do I Become a Tough Girl???

In addition to crocheting like a bat outta hell last night (as today was my friend's last day at work before she pops, so I kinda had to finish the blanket last night) and talking on the phone, I spent most of the night waiting for stupid he-who-can't-be-named (henceforth referred to as HWCBN). Here's the thing: HWCBN has been a flake for as long as I've known him (which has been like six or seven years now). It's a joke, it's funny, it's his signature move. Still, there's a part of me deep down that thinks one day he's somehow going to change his genetic make-up and suddenly become reliable. Like one morning he'll wake up and realize I'm his destiny and he needs to be a better person for me (have I mentioned I'm insane and completely delusional??). So, when he called yesterday morning (and he never calls, so that in itself was huge) asking if we could hang out last night, I jumped at the chance. Fast forward to a few hours after he was *supposed* to show up and we're talking on the phone and he's hemming and hawing about having to get up for work. Oh, and then said he'd check on something and call me back in ten minutes. I'm not sure which universe those ten minutes were in, but they weren't ours, because it's been over ten hours and still no callback. As I'm sure anyone I talk to about this (and, really, I'm kind of embarrassed to even keep holding out hope for the guy) would say, "Well, DUH, what did you expect?" And that's totally true. But, it still surprises me. I still hold out this secret hope that he's going to be better than I give him credit for. What is that about? Why can't I just be a "tough girl" and write him off and never talk to him again? How do I become Super Pinky/Tough As Nails? Is there a class I can take? Is there a part of my heart I can turn off? Because I don't think I can handle this anymore. As much as I complain about men and dating and all that jazz, this is the person I would choose to be with every single time....and why? All he does is hurt me. Over and over and over. I've cried too many tears over this stupid person. I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I've got to buy a metal barrier for my little pink heart. Or crutches. One of the two.

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