So, I have a confession to make: The more pictures I see from Taylor Swift's 4th of July party, the more I'd love to be a part of her "squad."
How can I join? Because this party looks EPIC. This was the first picture I saw from it and I thought my head might explode. Ruby Rose! Crazy Eyes! Blake rocking her adorable bump! I. Want. To. Go. To. There.
I mean...come on. Look at this slide. It looks like the funnest thing ever.
Sure, she's already got a few "normal" besties. And I totally respect that. I'm not trying to take anyone's place. But, clearly, there's a role for me....the chubby, funny girl!
Currently, there are a lot of super skinny models on her squad. Tay-Tay's got universal appeal, so adding a chubby commoner is only going to give her street cred. I'm only trying to help.
Sure, sure, the one time I saw her in person her bodyguard pushed me down, but no matter. That would all change when I'm on the squad. I still love her. I don't hold her bodyguard's behavior against her.
I mean, Keith and I could totally rock this pose with the couple. And we've got a similar story! We, too, met briefly, then rekindled two months later and moved VERY quickly. We also met each other's families right away and seemed to move at a rapid pace (hello, we were married six months later). So, we could totally offer any insight and wisdom they might need. AND they are T squared (Taylor + Tom), while we are K squared (Kristen + Keith). See what I mean? KismeT.(see that? Starts with a K and ends with a T = obviously I'm onto something here! Also, huge thanks to my husband for pointing that out).
Surely Taylor has enjoyed some of my hubby's movies. We can bond about those! I'd have to hide behind this gaggle of perfect bodies, but I'm OK with that. Plus, Ruby will feel better because I've also got some large tattoos. I'm here for you, Ruby.
I can wear an I heart T.S. shirt, too! Tom doesn't have to go at it all alone.
Plus, who wouldn't want this hoodie? Really, I just need to know how it all works - does she fly all these people in on her personal plane? Does she pay for everything? Does she get bitter if she does? What would you even get Taylor as a gift? I could totally make her something she'd love. I know it. I'll even try not to sing, "Shake It Off" every chance I get. I could try, at least. Probably fail. PUT ME IN YOUR SQUAD, TAYLOR! It would be the best decision ever. :)