Sunday, September 5, 2010

Will The Screaming Ever End???

So, ever since my would-be company told me they were rescinding their offer for employment (read: five days ago), I feel as though there's a part of me which split off and has been constantly screaming its guts out in a room by itself. The screaming never ends. The disappointment never ends. The disbelief that I could be so negligent and do something so stupid never ends. Granted, it's not like I did it on purpose, but that doesn't seem to help. I'm not sure how to pull myself out of it and believe that there's something better out there waiting for me. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason, but now I'm not so sure. I keep trying to convince myself that I wouldn't have wanted to work for a company that was so quick to send me packing; that wouldn't listen to reason or even let me work for free to show them how dedicated I was (trust me, I offered - I did everything short of beg and maybe even a little of that). But it doesn't matter. The fact remains that I lost the job which I was so looking forward to, which seemed like a perfect combination of my skills. Most days I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't the first stupid thing I've done. Years ago, while in between my Sundance employment and OCT, I had an interview to work at the Olympics. It was a great opportunity and everyone I knew that interviewed went on to happily work for the Samsung booth at the Olympics and have all kinds of amazing fun. Somehow, and I still have no reason or explanation for it, I missed the interview. Just forgot about it. Totally spaced it. No amount of groveling or begging could get me another shot. I missed it. I messed up. Case closed. Flash forward to a few weeks later when I was offered my job at OCT - the job I've been at ever since (well, until I moved here), the job I met all my wonderful friends at, and the place I loved being (for the most part). Had I been working at the Olympics, I would've missed my shot to work at OCT. In fact, one of the girls I trained with had been waiting for three years for an opening. Three years. And I just stumbled into it because I missed that interview. Now, does this mean everything is going to magically happen for me here? Not really. I'm just trying to think of anything which will help get the screaming girl out of that room.

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