Tuesday, June 30, 2009

My Therapist Broke Up With Me

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, apparently I'm such a mental case, my therapist has severed ties with me. Well, temporarily, that is. We've decided that since I'm on a "sabbatical" from really "feeling" my pain (which had become unbearable for me; wow, dramatic much?) and insist on just numbing all my feelings, there's not much we can work on until I "accept" my pain once and for all. Hmmmm. She still insists I'm where I need to be in terms of grieving and that it's totally normal for the rest of the world to feel it, but it's abnormal for me because I've always blocked this crap in the past and don't have normal coping skills. Yes, I've become one of those "my therapist says" people in case you were wondering. I'm thinking there should be some sort of island or little case people who are grieving get sent to, so that they stop annoying everyone around them. I recognize I'm not a fun person anymore and wish I could be locked away in a room (or a box?) to just get through this crap once and for all since even the numbing isn't really fun. Still, I think we should revisit the fact that she said I'm exactly where I need to be and everyone telling me to "pull myself out of it" or "get my life in order" should just knock it off because that is not productive or helpful to me right now. Oh, did I mention I cried while on a date last night? See, Pinky = Crazy Person (well, more so than usual) right now. Ugh. :( I'm not well.

1 comment:

plainoldsarah said...

um i'm no therapist and i don't spend a lot of time with you, but from all i can tell it sounds like you're feeling your pain. you don't sound like you're blocking it and numbing yourself to it. i guess i can tell you're trying to distract yourself plenty - but what does "feeling the pain" feel like? what does your therapist expect you to do? and once you "feel it" then what are you supposed to do? that's what i got confused on when i went to therapy. i wanted to know what to do next - after that "normal" stage.

anyway, good luck. keep trying and all that good stuff. i'm sorry it hurts so much.