Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Holding a Grudge (Bitch Edition)

I apologize, but I need to vent. If you'd rather not listen to a diatribe today, please skip past this post because I'm afraid I'm going to blow. I'm holding a grudge. It's consuming me. I need to let it go and I don't know how. But, I'm seriously about to explode and no one wants to see that, right? Right. Exploding Pinky isn't a pretty sight. The facts are these: Last July someone very close to me (OK, fine, my sister) "borrowed" (read: took without asking) my brand new bike that I'd received as an award from my last job. She took it to use as a place-keeper for her stuff at the beach on the 4th of July and it got stolen.
Here's the part that bothers me - instead of coming to me and saying, "Look, I'm really sorry, but I borrowed your bike and this is what happened..." she just didn't say anything. She knew I was busy with Sammy and my new job and probably wouldn't notice the missing bike for awhile, which I didn't. When I did, I thought she was just using it because she didn't have one. Finally, in October, I was like, "Um, where's my bike?" and the injustice was finally revealed.
Well, it's now April, and I'm still bike-less. The one time I've braved bringing it up (after she received her tax return and her kids came over to reveal their brand new iPods purchased with the tax return money), her reply was, "Well, you don't ride it anyway." Um, is that really the point? And then her daughter chimed in with the same sentiment - do I really need a parrot saying that me? The thing is I'm not upset that she got my property stolen. It's just a bike, I'll live. What mattered to me was that it was something I'd received from my peers and co-workers to reward my excellent customer service and hard work - so, essentially it was like a trophy - and now it feels as though she's trivialized it and ruined it. Plus, she lied about it which really hurts my feelings.
I don't want to be harboring this grudge. But last night she came over and mentioned how Sammy had chewed on her table (which we're holding for her at our house because she can't store it - not like we need it or asked for it) and how we should refinish the table for ruining it. Friends, it took every little ounce of restraint in me not to go off about taking care of someone else's property - like maybe I'll restain it in a year or so, because that's the standard of replacing something in our family apparently. But, I didn't. I held it in, per usual, and now I want to scream.
I guess the main thing is that I just don't understand. We were brought up to respect each other and I don't feel respected at all. If you break something, you fix it. Period. I accidentally broke my friend's step stool recently and you better believe I replaced it within the week. I couldn't stand having that on my conscience. Now her entire tax return is gone (no comment) and my bike (I need to realize and accept) is never going to be replaced. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LET IT GO. I'm so angry and hurt and annoyed. And I miss my sister. I miss our relationship. I miss our closeness. But I'm so bothered by her actions that I don't want her around me right now until its resolved, which might never be. So, what do I do? How do I let it go?

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