Sunday, December 26, 2010

Bah Humbug

I know, I know, my intention was to get back online last night and do some blogging, but, well, it didn't happen (obviously). I don't know what it is about this Christmas this year, but it really hit me harder than expected. Normally I'm traveling over Christmas and the travel makes me tired, so I'm distracted from thinking about other pressing matters (like my being a divorced, barren, lonely spinster who's apparently destined to die alone). Last year I spent the beginning of the holiday in California and then flew to Iowa to have this amazing visit with my mom; this year we're not even speaking. Also, the job I'd held for a million years used to rock over the holidays with all the activities and hustle and bustle. It was impossible to be sad there. Plus, I had all these great friends and we all exchanged these fun little gifts. I didn't realize how much I was missing that until a package arrived for me on Christmas Eve from the girls at my old job - I almost started to cry. I saved it to open Christmas morning (which was a great surprise, along with my dad knocking my stocking out of the park - a rare treat) and was so touched by their kindness. I felt so loved (and not forgotten!). Now, don't get me life in general is great and happy and I don't lack for anything. Aside from the mattress, there wasn't even really anything I needed, so it's not like I was disappointed. I have a loving family and friends and was surrounded by those I love. But, still, sometimes it's hard to be alone over the holidays. I remember being married and staying up Christmas Eve night to put together the toys for the boys (my ex-husband's kids) and it was so much fun. And although I know it's better to be alone and happy than together with someone and miserable, I just don't enjoy being alone on major holidays. I don't. Wish I did. But I don't. Everyone I know has someone special and that's awesome for them. I guess sometimes I just wish I did, too...instead of a myriad of ex-boyfriends who like to string me along and keep me guessing. OK, I'd better stop now. I'm even depressing myself. Blech..

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