An Open Letter to Olive Garden

Dear Money-grubbing bastards, 

Dear Former Favorite Restaurant 

To Whom it may Concern,

So, there's really no way to sugar coat this - WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU DONE TO OLIVE GARDEN?!?! Seriously. You seem to be doing fine, so why the price gouge? I mean, are you really so hard up that you have to tack on an additional $1.75 for alfredo sauce (which still no one can explain to me why) to my already WAY overpriced meal?!?

I've been having the same thing for almost 30 years. It used to be a reasonable price. Now I can't even stomach having to pay so much - plus the $1.75 - for what is now overpriced garbage. Yes, that does mean I've been eating at your establishment with frequent regularity for 30 years. Does that get me any gratitude? Nope. Just higher prices and increasingly worse service.

Our server today was one of the worst. Not only could he not explain why things were so ridiculously high, but he couldn't be bothered to do basic things like refill drinks or pick up plates. You know, silly things. I've about had enough with your overpriced food and unsatisfying service. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

That is all. Thanks for nothing. Guess I'll try other restaurants that might actually care about their guests.

Disappointedly,
Pinky Lovejoy-Coogan

An Open Letter to Ginnifer Goodwin

Dear Ginnifer Goodwin,

We need to talk. Long ago you were sweet and lovely and adorable to watch onscreen. I loved you. I wanted to be your BFF.

Remember this girl? The awesome BFF on Win a Date with Tad Hamilton? Where did she go?

I understand you've got a hit show and mountains of fame and invitations to fancy events every night. And that is AWESOME! Kudos. You deserve it. I'm sincerely happy for you. My only question is: Why must you make this face on the red carpet?

I mean, seriously, do you think it's attractive? Because it's not. You've got such a gorgeous smile (and a hot, charming boyfriend to boot - see what I did there? You're dating your real-life Prince Charming...I know, I'm hysterical). Where did it go?

Again, this IS NOT IT. This is a mean face. It scares me. Combine your look with the multiple reports back that you're no longer nice to fans and it makes me sad.

Oh, wait. Is this the face you're trying to recreate from Win a Date with Tad Hamilton? I mean, it's not the one we've been hoping for, but if it's what you're going for with those ridiculous faces, then you're nailing it.

Please start smiling again. We miss your smile.

Sincerely,
Pinky Lovejoy